From the very moment your eyes meet those two tiny lines on that positive pregnancy test, your mind starts imagining all the ways your life is about to change — as well as the lives of your own parents. Not only are you about to become a parent, but they're about to become grandparents. 

An increasingly popular party option called a "grandma shower" celebrates this title change, and it's got the What to Expect Community wondering: cute or cringeworthy? 

Some users had never heard of such an event, but one member shared that her mother-in-law had one before she had her second child. 

"I didn’t even live in the same state as her at the time," she wrote. "They FaceTimed me for maybe 30 minutes out of the whole shower, and she did mail the gifts to me, but I’m pretty sure it was just an excuse to celebrate with her friends."

While some moms called the idea weird, others thought of it as a sweet sign of excitement for the new baby. Here's the deal with grandma showers — and what to do if your mom or mother-in-law wants to throw one.

What are grandma showers?

Put simply, a grandma shower is just like a baby shower with games, food and cake, except it celebrates the grandma-to-be versus the mom-to-be. If you've never heard of this type of event before, it's most certainly a thing. 

In fact, etiquette expert and founder of Manor of Manners, Maryanne Parker, has seen it firsthand and knows many people who've decided to throw a full-on shower even when the daughter or daughter-in-law isn't present merely because it’s the first grandchild for the grandma. 

"The excitement of an expected grandchild is a great occasion to be celebrated," she says. "It is a lovely acknowledgement that the daughter-in-law and the grandchild are so loved and cherished already."

What is the purpose of a grandma shower?

Grandma showers grew increasingly popular during the pandemic when it was more difficult to travel to attend an actual baby shower, notes etiquette expert Jodi RR Smith of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, but they've remained popular even as in-person gatherings picked back up. 

Grandma showers have several purposes. Depending on the mom-to-be's comfort level, a grandma shower might make sense when she doesn't know the would-be guests (such as a mother-in-law's friend group or her mom's coworkers) that well.

"Throwing a grandma shower might be a good idea to take the pressure away from the daughter-in-law, who will still be celebrated, and doesn't even need to be there," Parker says. "This is an additional opportunity for grandma and her friends to get together and have a beautiful party, share good memories and make future plans."

A grandma shower also serves as an opportunity to collect gifts from extended friends and family, including items to keep at a grandparent's house for when the baby visits. For example, if you plan to ask your mom for child care help later on, you might appreciate having an eager caregiver with a spare pack 'n' play.

As one Community member put it, "Sounds like you'll have an ally when you're ready for breaks and date nights in a few months!"

How to respond to a grandma shower

If your mom or mother-in-law decides to plan a grandma shower, you might have some mixed feelings, especially as you get closer to your due date. You're probably already experiencing a wide range of emotions about your own impending motherhood, let alone someone else's grandparenthood. 

First, know that there is no right or wrong way to feel about your pregnancy and how it's celebrated. Pregnancy is incredibly personal, and you're completely entitled to feel more or less reserved when it comes to fêting your baby-to-be. Not everyone has a good relationship with their mother or their mother-in-law, so the idea of a baby shower that's not for you may feel uncomfortable, to say the least. 

It's helpful to think of the (hopefully) good intentions at play. The grandma-to-be is obviously very excited and looking forward to all of the ways she can partake in her grandchild’s life. She may also hope that guests will contribute gifts, both monetary and material, that she can either pass on to you or keep at her own home to help care for the child. 

Tips for grandma showers

If there's going to be a grandma shower in your life, you might as well take the opportunity to celebrate it to the fullest, if you're comfortable doing so. Here, etiquette experts share their best tips for how to make the celebration happy and enjoyable for everyone involved.

Decide if you're comfortable attending

You shouldn't feel pressured to attend a grandma shower, especially if you don't live closeby. You can also participate virtually if you'd prefer. 

If you're navigating a relationship with a narcissistic parent or grandparent, set boundaries for yourself. While you can't control what someone else chooses to do, you do not need to participate. 

Incorporate your registry

A grandma shower is an opportunity to share the baby registry you made for your own shower with more well-wishers (including those third cousins, friends of friends, and friends' parents). Guests can contribute gifts that you'll use as a parent as well as extra gear to store at grandma’s house. 

If you run out of "items" to list, remember that diapers and wipes make some of the simplest and most-used gifts, so be sure to add plenty of those (in all sizes!). 

Write thank-you cards

Even though the shower itself may celebrate the grandma-to-be, the majority of the gifts will be for your baby. As such, it's a common baby shower etiquette to write thank-you cards to at least some of the people who wished your growing family well. 

You might have never expected your mom or mother-in-law to hold a grandma shower — and that’s perfectly okay. Just as with any aspect of motherhood, your comfort level with this type of event is personal. Remember, the main purpose of such an event is to celebrate the expansion of your family.