With another baby on the way, you’re probably thrilled, excited…and a little (okay, more than a little) nervous. And for good reason — morphing your family of three into a family of four (or more) definitely has its challenges. Sure, you’ve got the baby-care thing down (you can diaper, feed, and soothe in your sleep…and have, many times) and now that you’re no longer a newbie, you’re not worried about “breaking” the baby. But handling two at a time? Fairly dispensing love? Finding time to do it all? That’s a whole different story.
What’s keeping you up at night this time around (besides the need to pee)? You’re definitely wondering how and when to break the news to your toddler or preschooler (and how you’ll answer follow-up questions like, “How did the baby get in your belly?” and “How is the baby going to come out?”), as well as how to prep your eldest child for the first weeks with a new baby sibling. And what’s the best way to introduce the cute, attention-grabbing competition to baby number one — and just how you’ll nip sibling rivalry in the bud. Will twice as many kids mean twice as much work (or half the sleep)? Can you learn the logistics of a double stroller — not to mention two car seats, two hungry tummies that need feeding, and (if your little one’s still really little) two dirty bottoms that need changing? When will you have time to tackle that mammoth mound of laundry? Also, you (like every soon-to-be mother of two before you) are almost certainly questioning whether you’ll ever be able to love your new baby as much as you love your firstborn. (Short answer: Yes.) And how will your new little one fare without the round-the-clock attention you were able to shower on your older little one? (Short answer: Just fine.)
More About Older Siblings
Maybe you’re not even thinking that far in advance. Maybe, for now, you’re just stressing about how you’ll find the strength to care for your older child while you’re expecting and dealing with those pesky symptoms — from the energy-draining, backache-straining ones to the morning sickness that keeps you hugging the toilet (how, exactly, are you supposed to explain that to a two-year old?).
Not to worry. Moms, in case you haven’t gotten the memo, can do anything. It’ll take some time to hit your stride, to fall into the rhythm and routines that make everything (mostly) work — but it won’t take nearly as long as it did in your first round. Before you know it, you’ll turn from a capable, confident mom of one to a skilled and self-assured mother of two, tending to your dynamic (and demanding) new duo with relative ease. Promise.
In the meantime, when guilt or doubt (or the queasies) strike, call on the troops — ask second-time moms you know (or talk to the members in the WTE groups) about how they coped with these very normal feelings (and how they managed pregnancy and being a mom at the same time). No one gets it like a mom, after all.
The best advice of all as you expand your brood? Go with the flow. Use this guide to help you through as your firstborn transitions from only child to eldest child, but also remember that — as always, when it comes to parenting — you can’t prepare for everything. There will no doubt be lots of surprises lying ahead as your family dynamics shift to accommodate a new addition. There will be ups and downs, highs and lows, rough patches and calm seas, and — this is what makes it all worthwhile, of course — some of the most magical moments of your life as a parent (like when your firstborn cuddles her baby brother, or plays peacefully with him as she explains the ways of the world). So read on — and get ready to turn your oldest child into a happy, helpful big sibling.
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