Your child hits toddlerhood and bam! — those colorful birthday party invites start pouring in. Here's how to prep your social butterfly in training (and yourself) whether you're planning your child's birthday party or attending a new pal's bash.
For example, how many pint-size partiers do you have to invite? Should your little one open the presents at the party or later? And what should you do if your tot has a full-on meltdown? Read on for everything you need to know about toddler birthday party etiquette.
Toddler birthday party etiquette for hosts
Will it be Thomas the Tank Engine or Dora the Explorer? Chocolate or vanilla cake? Games or crafts, or both? When planning celebrations for toddlers, some choices — like the birthday party theme —are easy to make (not to mention fun). But when it comes to kids' birthday party etiquette, you may have more questions than answers. Here's what you need to know.
What should you put on the invitation for a toddler birthday party?
On the invite — along with the who, what and where — be specific about when the party will end, whether you're serving lunch (especially if the timing makes confusion likely), and whether parents are invited or expected to stay. (Most will plan to if their child is under 5, but spelling it out leaves less room for misunderstandings.)
If your tot has more than enough toys (or you're hoping to nurture an altruistic child in a materialistic world), consider adding a "your presence is present enough" or "bring a gift for a child in need" clause on the invite.
If you're hoping to guide gift givers toward things your child really wants or needs, you can make a birthday registry — but standard etiquette dictates not putting it on the invitation and only sharing it with guests if asked.
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How long should a toddler birthday party last?
Knowing when to call it quits is one key to a successful toddler birthday. For newly minted 2-year-olds, an hour to an hour and a half of party fun is plenty; 3- to 5-year-olds can go an hour and a half to two hours before they max out.
You'll want to consider the time of day, too. Late-morning — or first thing after lunch — parties work well with most toddler nap schedules. (The last thing you want is a roomful of cranky, overtired toddlers.)
Do you have to invite the entire preschool class to a toddler birthday party?
For pre-preschoolers, the size of the guest list is pretty much guided by personal preference and common sense. (More than a couple of kids are probably too many for a 2-year-old's party).
But once your child hits preschool, there are a whole lot more kids to consider. While it may seem like total inclusivity is the expected birthday party etiquette at some preschools, there really are no set rules when it comes to the guest list (though you should avoid inviting most of the kids and leaving out only one or two).
You could rely on this tried-and-true formula: Invite the same number of kids as your child's age (for example, four little guests for a fourth birthday). On the other hand, if your birthday babe loves a crowd or has a slew of close cousins, by all means expand the guest list.
Feel bad about leaving half the class out? If it's allowed, consider bringing cupcakes or muffins to school for an all-access birthday celebration.
How should you hand out invites for a toddler birthday party?
If you're not inviting the whole preschool class, mail or e-mail the invitations instead of handing them out at school. Aim to send them about four to six weeks before the big day to give guests ample time to RSVP. (A plus for evites: You'll get all the responses in one place, and you can send updates or reminders with a click of a button.)
Do you feed the parents at a child's birthday party?
If you're feeding little ones, have food ready for the big people, too. It's not only nice manners, it's also a savvy move. Hungry, cranky parents are less likely to pitch in to help.
The food doesn't have to be fancy — pizza or cold sandwiches are fine. Keep party safety in mind and make sure you don't serve anything that's not safe or appropriate for small children to nibble on or sip — you don't want a 3-year-old reaching for a handful of almonds or a glass of wine. You'll score brownie points with the parents by offering them cake, too.
Should you entertain the parents at a child's birthday party?
Of course you want a good time to be had by all, big and small — but small gets priority at toddler birthday parties. Put out some snacks for the parents, and then leave them to their more-developed social skills. They know you need to focus on keeping the party flowing smoothly for your tot and the pint-sized guests.
With that in mind, do say yes to help. If other parents offer a helping hand — and they probably will — take them up on it! You can ask someone to serve as a party photographer or videographer. That way you can better enjoy all the sweet moments.
What kinds of games should you plan for a toddler birthday party?
Toddlers and preschoolers aren't exactly known for their long attention spans or for always being good sports — even at birthday parties. So opt for short, noncompetitive games like Ring Around the Rosie (for toddlers) and Freeze Dance (for preschoolers).
Easy crafts like decorate-your-own party hats can keep older toddlers and preschoolers happily occupied (but sharing isn't their strong suit, so have lots of supplies to go around). Consider, too, group projects — like a giant mural on a roll-out sheet of paper.
Should you open gifts at a toddler birthday party?
Opening presents after the guests have departed and calm has been restored is perfectly acceptable modern birthday party etiquette — and just plain smart. Why? Because it saves time (gift opening can really cut into a birthday party that's just an hour or two long) and avoids a lot of potential problems.
No dealing with an excited toddler who gloms onto one gift and forgets the others, or the embarrassment from a little one's honest reaction ("I already have this toy!"), or the jealousy of peers who don't yet realize that it's better to give than to receive ("I want to play with that … now!").
Don't want to trash the gift-opening tradition? Just make sure you practice gracious present protocol with your little one ahead of time — and supervise well.
Should you give out favors at a toddler birthday party?
It's thoughtful to give out goodie bags at a toddler birthday party, but you don't need to do anything over-the-top. Simple toys (versus cheap trinkets) make for great birthday party favors. Think sidewalk chalk, crayons, coloring books or bubbles.
How can you teach a toddler to be a good host?
You can't expect 2- and 3-year-olds to have perfect manners, especially not once the excitement has reached a fever pitch. But it may help to model that proper birthday party etiquette yourself. (Little ones learn best by watching what their parents do.)
As you greet and thank guests, include your child in the interaction. ("Hi Luke! Jack and I are so glad you could come to the party.") By about age 4 or 5, your tot should be able to do the greet-and-thank move — perhaps with some prompting from you. Role-playing the night before ("Let's pretend I'm Luke, and I gave you a present. What do you say?") will help too.
Finally, it's never too early to involve your child in "writing" thank-you notes. Toddlers and preschoolers can decorate, draw or scribble an autograph on a note you write. The more ownership your child feels and the more fun you make this part of kids' birthday party etiquette, the more likely you will be successful at teaching manners to your toddler.
Toddler birthday party etiquette for guests
If you're attending a party instead of hosting, you're not totally off the hook. Being a well-behaved guest doesn't come naturally to easily excitable toddlers and preschoolers, especially amid the fanfare of noisemakers, presents and birthday cake. But you can help your child enjoy the experience and minimize the meltdowns, sugar highs and plain old messes that often come with attending a birthday party.
Can you ask what food will be served at a toddler birthday party?
It's perfectly fine to call or e-mail the party parents to ask oh-so-politely what the food options will be, especially if your child has food allergies. These days, most moms and dads are sensitive to special dietary needs, but ultimately, it's their child's celebration and they have the right to serve what they like. If your child has unique issues, it's probably best to bring your own snack.
What should a child wear to a toddler birthday party?
It's tempting to deck your child out in fancy duds for a birthday party, but simple clothes are better. Pick out something that's comfortable (for playing party games) and easily washable (for the inevitable icing stains). You may even want to pack a backup outfit to change into after the party, or even during, if outfit number one gets soaked with juice or covered in cake.
Should parents plan to stay at a toddler birthday party?
As nice as a couple of hours of free babysitting would be (well, free minus the price of a birthday present), your itty-bitty birthday-party guest needs your supervision. Plus, getting to chat with other moms and dads is a real benefit to being invited to a birthday party. More than one long-lasting friendship has begun handing out paper plates at a kid's party, and it's a perfect opportunity to get babysitter recommendations or tips on new kid-friendly restaurants.
How can you teach a toddler to be a good guest?
Give your child a mini manners lesson before the party. There's no need to go into every fine point of birthday party etiquette, but do make a big deal about saying please and thank you to the hosts upon arrival and also review what'll happen once you're inside. ("We're going to hand Noah his birthday present. We'll say thank you to his mommy for inviting us to the birthday party. Then you'll go have fun.")
But don't be appalled if your munchkin forgets all the coaching and clings to your leg — or refuses to give up a smartly wrapped gift. Just pull your child out of play for some time on the sidelines until the moment's subsided.
What should you do if your toddler has a tantrum at a birthday party?
If your child goes into full-blown meltdown mode, you may have no choice than to make an early exit. Better to cut your losses and leave the party than make everyone suffer. Don't worry — there will be plenty more chances to practice being a better-behaved birthday-party guest for years to come.
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