In a perfect world, your pregnancy would be planned and happen when all your ducks are in a row. Maybe that would mean you’d be in a loving relationship, enjoying your (stable) job and on solid ground financially. But life tends to deal us many different hands — and one of them may be an unplanned pregnancy.
Having a surprise pregnancy isn’t at all uncommon, and it definitely shouldn’t be a source of shame. For plenty of women and their families, it can be a happy surprise. But getting pregnant unexpectedly can also be fraught with stress, especially if you've engaged in less-than-ideal recent behaviors (smoking, drinking) that could impact your baby’s health.
To help you on this emotional journey, here’s more about your options for an unplanned pregnancy, including smart ways you can get on a healthy track fast and how to bring up the subject with your partner if you have one, your family, your friends and your coworkers.
How common is unplanned pregnancy?
You may be surprised or even shocked when you first find out you’re unexpectedly expecting, but try not to feel isolated or adrift. Unplanned pregnancy statistics aren’t low in the least, though they have been dropping a bit of late.
In 2008, the percentage of surprise pregnancies was 51 percent, though by 2011 it had dipped to 45 percent, or 2.8 million of the 6.1 million pregnancies that occurred that year. To break it down even further, 27 percent of these pregnancies were "wanted later" and 18 percent were "unwanted."
What are the options for unplanned pregnancy?
If you’re faced with an unintended pregnancy, know that the vast majority of surprise babies turn out to be healthy and no worse for the wear. But if you’re unsure about what to do and want to discuss different options, check in with a family counselor and your doctor.
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Now that you’re in the loop about your soon-to-be-bulging belly, it’s time to get serious about your health and prenatal care — because doing so gives your baby-on-board the healthiest start. Here’s how:
Stop smoking.
You know the deal, but it bears repeating — it’s time to kick that butt. Try not to worry about the smoking you did before you found out you were pregnant, but definitely avoid puffing now, as tough as that may be.
That’s because pregnant women who smoke up their risk for complications such as preterm delivery and having a low birth weight baby (which increases the chances of health problems for the baby).
Even an occasional cigarette is too much smoke exposure for your fetus — and the same goes for e-cigarettes. Although e-cigs are marketed as being safer than regular cigarettes and generally may have fewer harmful substances, they’re still very dangerous for your baby.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says e-cigs are “not safe for pregnant women” in part because they contain nicotine, which is addictive and can damage a developing baby’s brain and lungs. Vaping also exposes your little one to other substances found in e-cigs like heavy metals and chemicals.
The good news: If you stop smoking early in your pregnancy, you may be able to radically reduce the risks to your baby. One study found that women who quit smoking before their 15th week of pregnancy were no more likely to have a preterm or low birth weight baby than nonsmokers.
Because smoking and vaping can be so hard to quit, get help nixing your nicotine fix. Start by talking to your practitioner and go from there.
And remember to stay smoke-free after your baby is born: Babies who are exposed to smoke are more prone to respiratory illnesses, ear infections and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), among other health problems.
Avoid alcohol.
As with smoking, drinking alcohol increases the risk of preterm birth and a range of physical, behavioral and intellectual disabilities.
But before you panic, know that the occasional drink you had before you found out you were pregnant is unlikely to harm your baby. Still, because experts don’t know exactly how much alcohol can affect a fetus, it’s crucial that you stop as soon as you find out you're pregnant. If you need help kicking the habit, check in with your doctor. (And you can go back to enjoying that glass of wine or cocktail, within reason, after you give birth.)
See a practitioner.
Since your pregnancy is an unplanned one, you may not have a doctor or midwife lined up yet — but it’s not too late to find someone you trust.
Ask friends or your primary care physician for referrals. Then, once you choose a practitioner, discuss your health history so you can get any medical conditions managed and under control safely — as soon as possible. Talk to your doctor about medications you're taking to see whether they're safe when you're expecting.
Also, ask your practitioner to screen you for sexually transmitted infections, and find out if you're due for any vaccines (a blood test can determine if you're immune to certain diseases). One to put on your to-do list now that you’re a mom-to-be: the flu shot. And if you haven't already been vaccinated against COVID-19, you'll want to discuss getting that shot with your practitioner.
Eat right.
Worried that you weren’t eating very nutritiously before finding out about your unplanned pregnancy? Relax — just start now. Focus on foods that are high in folate, calcium and good-for-you vitamins. And keep in mind that there’s no need to double your daily calorie count (you may be eating for two, but one of you is still very small!).
Instead, do your best to maintain a healthy weight by increasing your calories by only an average of 300 to 500 extra per day in the second and third trimesters. Follow the pregnancy diet for guidance on what — and how much — to eat during these next months. Your doctor will also recommend a prenatal vitamin with folic acid, since this will help reduce your baby’s risk for birth defects.
Fit in fitness.
Research shows that exercising during pregnancy is good for you and the baby — plus it helps keep pregnancy pounds in the right range. You don’t need to train for a marathon, however. The best goal: Strive for regular activity, or about 30 minutes of moderate exercise a day, five days a week.
Walking, swimming and yoga are all good options. If you choose to do yoga, make sure you take a class geared toward pregnant women and tell your instructor that you're expecting.
Working out will help improve your heart health, muscle tone and strength, while also easing any stress or anxiety you may feel.
Exercise can also reduce the likelihood of back trouble, constipation and complications like gestational diabetes — all of which should make your pregnancy and delivery easier and healthier.
How to discuss a surprise pregnancy
A surprise pregnancy announcement isn’t always an easy one to share with your partner if you have one or the baby's other parent, especially if various life stressors are already weighing you down like a tenuous financial situation, a relationship that’s on the rocks, or a difficult work arrangement.
Keep in mind that it’s normal for both of you to feel a bunch of different emotions, and some of them — like shock, anger, sadness or helplessness — may be more on the negative side (especially at first).
One way to deal with this mixed bag of feelings is to focus on your own health and your baby’s prenatal care. You might also share your news with close friends and family who can offer support and guidance as you handle this unexpected turn of events. And finding a group of like-minded women online or in person can be another source of comfort, inspiration and information (though be sure to confirm any medical advice you get from community groups and friends with your OB/GYN or midwife).
Lastly, go easy on yourself and know that it’s fine if you’re upset one day and hopeful the next. It’s even possible that your unplanned pregnancy could be the perfect catalyst for bigger changes down the road that you’ve been thinking about anyway.
In fact, with the help of some close family and friends to lean on and a focus on your health, you might find that your surprise baby is one of the best things to ever happen to you.
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